Critical Investigation tutorial - second draft

  •  A good second draft – definite improvement but some areas still need a bit of work
  • Written English is much better for two pages but then slips back – look over this carefully.
  •  Introducing quotes is still an area to look at; same for topic sentences.
  • You definitely need to cut the essay down a little – too long.
  • Lacking media/feminist theory. I said this in your original feedback: Butler, McRobbie, van Zoonen, Dyer (power and stereotypes), Gerbner’s cultivation theory (media effects), the Jean Killbourne video this week. Where are they in the essay?
  • Ending needs work – I’d re-write the final paragraph.
  •  Copy and paste this feedback into a new blogpost on your MEST4 coursework blog called 'Critical Investigation tutorial – second draft’.
  • Your immediate priority needs to be the Linked Production: this is worth 32 marks.
  • When you have a Linked Production in draft form, return to this essay with fresh eyes and look to make three or four key improvements before submitting the final draft.
  • Your final deadline is immediately after the Easter holiday: Wednesday 19 April.

Personal Targets

  1. Make my topic sentences stronger so that I do not contradict myself half way through the paragraph 
  2. Incorporate more theory into the essay
  3. Do linked production planning (1st March)



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